1, THE CURRENT BANKING AS SORTED BY GORDON BROWN.....
When he was young
Gordon bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
The farmer
agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next
day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The
donkey's died.'
Little Gordy
replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer
said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Little Gordy
said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer
asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Gordy
said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer
said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Little Gordy
said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month
later, the farmer met up with Gordy and asked, 'What happened with
that dead
donkey?'
Gordy
said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two pounds apiece and
made a
profit of £898'
The farmer, aghast
said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Little Gordy
said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two pounds back.'
2, The Frog and Golf
A man goes out golfing.
He is on the second hole when, He notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to Prove the frog wrong, puts the club Away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.
He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with Him to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!
Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know What to say.
By the end of the day, the man had The best game of golf in his life and asks The frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas ."
"They go to Las Vegas and the guy says,
"OK frog, now what?"
The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I Should bet?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.
Boom!
Tons of cash comes sliding back across The table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says,
"Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am Forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me" He figures why not, since after all the Frog did for him, he deserves it.
With a kiss, the frog turns into a Gorgeous girl.
"And that Is how the girl ended up in my room Elin.
So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."
3, BEING BRITISH.
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Britain Can a tax payers bank, back a foreign company to buy out a british company to then lay off workers who are tax payers and own part of the bank that is helping to lay them off.
Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION...
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
and finally...
In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
If you're proud to be British, send this on!
When he was young
Gordon bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
The farmer
agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next
day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The
donkey's died.'
Little Gordy
replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer
said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Little Gordy
said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer
asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Gordy
said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer
said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Little Gordy
said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month
later, the farmer met up with Gordy and asked, 'What happened with
that dead
donkey?'
Gordy
said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two pounds apiece and
made a
profit of £898'
The farmer, aghast
said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Little Gordy
said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two pounds back.'
2, The Frog and Golf
A man goes out golfing.
He is on the second hole when, He notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to Prove the frog wrong, puts the club Away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.
He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with Him to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!
Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know What to say.
By the end of the day, the man had The best game of golf in his life and asks The frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas ."
"They go to Las Vegas and the guy says,
"OK frog, now what?"
The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I Should bet?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.
Boom!
Tons of cash comes sliding back across The table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says,
"Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am Forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me" He figures why not, since after all the Frog did for him, he deserves it.
With a kiss, the frog turns into a Gorgeous girl.
"And that Is how the girl ended up in my room Elin.
So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."
3, BEING BRITISH.
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Britain Can a tax payers bank, back a foreign company to buy out a british company to then lay off workers who are tax payers and own part of the bank that is helping to lay them off.
Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION...
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
and finally...
In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
If you're proud to be British, send this on!
coolio
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