Friday joke

[S2 Ant]

Dan have you got a box of christmas crackers early or something???

[Fat Audi 80]

thread overboard.

[dan_b]

Sorry. Bad Friday!

[jubjub]

Heard one on the radio earlier today, well yesterday. Made me chuckle

Nun is soaping herself in the bath, in the nunnery. The door knocker goes thud,thud, so up she gets out of the bath. She can't find a towel to hand so, naked, quickly goes to the door and says from behind, "who is it"

A voice replies, "Its the blind man....."

She decides to leave the towel and just opens the door in the buff.

"Nice ****" says the man," now were do you want these blinds.........."

I thank you

[Keeper of The Kitten]

Dean that one is ancient!!!!

Ant, I was thinking much the same thing - Dan either has a box of crackers or one of those "1000 jokes for kids" books...!!

__MDC__

[rotoryboy]

One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman 's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman 's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today You must park ..." Then the power goes out.

Norman 's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says ...

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

[dan_b]

woodpecker goes into a bar, looks at the the guy serving and says...is this bartender?

[dan_b]

A neutron walks into a bar and says "how much for a beer?"

the bartender replies, "for you? No charge"

[S2 Ant]

LOL Dan, i really wouldnt give up the day job!

[dan_b]

I'm trying not to!

[AndersS2]

haha, nice and simple jokes dan!

[Jamo]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger. "My dad is Mick Jagger," the frog explains "and I know the bank manager."

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. the frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

[dan_b]

That is the worst/best joke I think I've heard this year, I'm literally laughing out loud at my desk, much to my embarassment!

[Jamo]

The Geordie Thermometer



50 Degrees. Southerners turn on their heating. Geordies plant their gardens.



40 Degrees. Southerners shiver uncontrollably. Geordies Sunbathe.



30 Degrees. Southern cars will not start. Geordies drive with their windows down



20 Degrees. Southerners wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. Geordies throw a t-shirt on (Girls start wearing mini-skirts)



10 Degrees. Southerners begin to Evacuate. Geordies go swimming in the North Sea.



Zero degrees. Southern landlords turn up the heat. Geordies have the last barbecue before it gets cold.



Minus 10 Degrees. Southerners cease to exist. Geordies throw on a lightweight jacket.



Minus 80 Degrees. Polar bears wonder if it's worth it. Geordie Boy scouts start wearing long trousers.



Minus 100 Degrees. Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Geordies put on their long johns.



Minus 173 Degrees. Alcohol freezes. Geordies become frustrated because the pubs are shut.



Minus 297 Degrees. Microbiological life starts to disappear. The cows on Newcastle town moor complain of vets with cold hands.



Minus 460 Degrees. All atomic motion stops. Geordies start to stamp their feet and blow on their hands.





Minus 500 Degrees. Hell freezes over……….Sunderland qualify for Europe.

[S2 Ant]

Pmsl!