Friday joke

[rotoryboy]

The following is an actual advertisement in an Irish Newspaper..!

1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf
Only 15 km
Only first gear and reverse used
Never driven hard
Original tires
Original brakes
Original fuel and oil
Only 1 driver Owner
Wishing to sell due to employment lay-off
Please see Attached photo…..

[jon_91_s2]

LOL. I think even i could manage the walk from the house to the boat

[Robatron]

Apparently the hanging of Christmas Decorations has been banned in Vietnam.

They are hanging Glitter instead.

[dan_b]

Oh dear!

[Robatron]

I thought it was about time I tried to gain worst joke of the week award..

You cant win it every week Dan!!

[Robatron]

Apparently Gary Glitter wants to be cremated if he is sentenced to the death pentaly and wants his ashes sprinkled in a sand pit.

Atleast that way kids can still play with him when hes dead.

[dan_b]

Oh mate that 2nd one is minging!

[Robatron]

A man walks in and sits down at the bar.

He is about to order a drink when he hears a voice. "My your looking fine today" says the voice. The man looks around and cannot see who is talking to him. "Wow....You look fantastic, whats your secret?".

Eventually the man traces the voice back to a bowl of peanuts. In disbelief he gets up and finds his way over to the cigarette dispenser to relax but cant get any fags out. He then hears another voice. "Oi you fat B4stard! Lose some weight, and you smell like ****!!".

The man cannot beleive his ears. Astounded he walks over to the barman, "Mate, you wouldnt beleive it, the peanuts and the cigarette machine were talking to me".

The barman turns around and says, "Oh dont worry mate, the Peanuts are complimentry and the cigarette machine is out of order!"

[Robatron]

Oh mate that 2nd one is minging!

LOL they get worse!

[Robatron]

Whats the Difference between Michael Jackson and Acne?

Acne waits until your atleast 13 before coming on your face.

[dan_b]

allegedly

[Robatron]

lol..Yes, Allegedly!


Who knows with that guy. He has never ever grown up! We went out to florida about 5 years back and we were staying at a villa that was right next to the boundry of his "Neverland Ranch". All we would hear were kids running around and a train(!!!) going around his grounds.

Deep down he is still just a kid.

[Ski]

yeah a kid that smuggles drugs with 40 pills a day habbit

[AL80]

The golfclub's barman is having a quiet morning until a distressed lady comes dashing in:

"I need a first aider!!" she exclaims,

"Yes, thats me" says the barman,

"Thank goodness, it's the lady captain, she's picked up an injury between the 1st and 2nd hole",

"Hmm" says the barman "That doesn't leave me much room to stick a plaster"

Stolen from the radio.

[Keeper of The Kitten]

I read that one with the phrase "a bee has stung her" in it instead!

__MDC__