police accident

[topsparky]

a farmers lad hits a pig with his 4x4
he rings his boss and says "it's still alive but stuck in the bullbars"
the boss says "shoot the fecking pig and get back to work"
the lad says o.k
but what do ido with his speed camera"

[Ski]

Let me see if i still remember this one... *clears throat*

Man gets pulled over by a police man...

"wheres the rush sir?"

"im late for work"

"ohh and where do u work"

"2 miles form here"

"what do you work as to be in such a rush?"

"im a **** stretcher"

"A WHAT!? whats one of them?!"

"well what i do is, i start with 1 finger, then 2, then 4, then a fist, then 2 fists, then stretch untill its 6ft long"

"and what do you do with a 6ft ****?"

"give him a speed gun and sit him behind a bridge"

[Ski]

Damn the filters

[Jamo]

a farmers lad hits a pig with his 4x4
he rings his boss and says "it's still alive but stuck in the bullbars"
the boss says "shoot the fecking pig and get back to work"
the lad says o.k
but what do ido with his speed camera"

Should change your name to Les Dennis

[rotoryboy]

Should change your name to Les Dennis

'cos his jokes are crap aswell?

[Ski]

crap jokes better than no jokes

[Ski]

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they said, "You're welcome to play along."

So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man," was the reply.

"You're joking!" was the response.

"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic.

I can see right in the window." "Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom.

Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her......He's naked, too!!! The *****!"

He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth." "Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his **** off to teach him a lesson."

The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

"Just be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here."

[volcano rs]

nice one ski