Bad joke warning...

[mcandmar]

...found this on a another forum.



A German guy approaches a hooker.

"I vish to buy zex viz you".

"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge £50 an hour".

"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky".

"No problem", she replies cautiously, "I can do kinky".

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant you to tie zed springs to each of your limbs"

The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees.

"Now you vil get on your hans und knees".

She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you."

She finds this odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying.

The zex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duckcaller. The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered the breath to say That was totally amazing, what do you call that?"

Vait for eeet.....













"Ah", says the German, "Four-spring duck technique!"

[S2central.net]

Where's the emoticon for tumbleweed ?


Mark - that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOH old

[rotoryboy]

There are 4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty
young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark
there's
the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the
tunnel
the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his
cheek.

The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark
and
she slapped him"
The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me
in
the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the
dark,
but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I
can
slap that French **** again"

[HPmuirt]

@rotoryboy - Old, but still quality

Cheers n

Si

[rotoryboy]

Old ones are the best

[HPmuirt]

Old ones are the best

Hey, that's my chat up line

Cheers n

Si

[pixsaudisex2]

another old classic

( sorry about full stops and all i dont belive in them and my spelling)


i had a dream the other night i was sent to hell for all the bad things ive ever done but due to the fact id only been slightly evil i was given a chance to climb the stairs out of hell and back to heaven ,,

a once in a life time chance to get out of the only place on earth you could truely call hell..

so mister devil what do i have to do to get out off here

well my son its quite simple all you have to do is her over there you must make her feel like she is the most beatifull lady in the land o and you have to do this for a hole week my son ..

so i set about making what could only be describred as the most ugly and horrible spotty puss fat thing on this earth feel like she was a darling at first i was not getting any were fast untill i had a idea why dont i just munch on her carpet surely this would work so down i went and well sure enough after a week of doing this and only coming up for air and to spit out the odd scab n hair and the odd bit off vomit she well felt like she was well a true a beauty

latter that week i was told well done my son not many people pass this test you have truely show you are ready to walk in a higher life so let me take you to the stairs my son and you can start your walk up to heaven and may i say congratulations once again..
thanks i said truely glad i was going to get out of hell and then to my amaizment i looked over and saw my mate ( at this point add a name of who you are telling this story to.. would use a name off this forum but dont want to cause any bad feelings) stood there with no less than three stunning darling birds my jaw was on the floor i could not belive it hang on a minute i said how come i had to do that horrible hobit looking woman there is !£"£!$£"%( add name again) with them stunners thats not fair i could have done them a hole lot easier ...


well my son came the reply some of the women want to get out of here as well you know..


another

young boy sat on the bed at home and his dad walks in with no clothes on

hey dad says the young boy whats that in between your legs

with a quick reply the dad answers erm its my hedgehog son feeling smug with his fast reply

to which his son says bloody hell we has a huge c o o c k dont he..

then his mom walks in with no clothes on and the question goes again

hey mom whats that in between your legs

again the quick reply goes erm it was when i was younger a mad axe man came up to me and hit me in between the legs with his axe .. also feeling smug with her quick reply ..

to which the young boy goes blooming hell he was a good shot mom he got you right in the c u n t ...

( also sorry about the bad words just not the same with out them)

[pixsaudisex2]

another old classic

sorry posted it twice so deleted it and left this ..

christmas time joke a bit late i know

heard about rudolph the red nose raindeer.
well heard about randolph the brown nose raindeer.
he is just as fast as rudolph but his brakes arnt as good...