a good friday joke

[ottawa coupe]

>A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City where
>a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
>entrance is a description of how the store operates:
>
>You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors, and the
>values of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. You
>may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to
>the next floor, but cannot go back down except to exit the building!
>
>So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
>
>On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have
>Jobs.
>
>The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love
>Kids.
>
>The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids
>and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled
>to keep going.
>
>She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have
>Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
>"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
>
>Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men
>Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework and
>Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
>
>She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the Sign
>reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are
>no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
>impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.
>
>To avoid being called a chauvinistic sexist pig, the store's owner
>opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has
>wives who love sex. The second floor has wives who love sex and have
>money. The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

[PeteRR]

Too true!

"Why do women perfer a Circumsized Peni5?...........

because they can't resist anything with 10% off!"

[AndersS2]

Friday Joke!

CHINESE SICK LEAVE -- "I NOT COME WORK TODAY!

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today,
I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come
work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel
like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes everything
better and I can go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I
feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house.

[Greenm3]

Sorry if i'm repeating one done before

A man gets a new job at a sanwich shop, and comes home to his wife, she asks how his day was,
"well work was ok i've only one problem i keepwanting to put my pe1nus in the sandwich slicer."
She says thats very odd, but go into work the next day and see how it is.

The next day he returns home early, she asks him what happened.
"Sorry darling i couldn't resist it, I put my d1ck in the slicer and got fired"

She pulls down his trousers, to check everything is ok, finds it's all there. The wife says "theres nothing wrong with it what happened?"

The man replies "well, the sandwich slicer got fired as well!"

[Keeper of The Kitten]

Sent to me during the week...

Harley owners.

Guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner.

"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape."

"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple get to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table.

Still, no one says a word.

"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table.

Again, total silence.

Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "Alright, alright! I'll do the damn dishes."

__MDC__

[s2_bo]

[topsparky]

Sent to me during the week...

Harley owners.

Guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner.

"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape."

"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple get to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table.

Still, no one says a word.

"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table.

Again, total silence.

Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "Alright, alright! I'll do the damn dishes."

__MDC__

good one

[S2-racer]

hee hee, jokes are good for the soul

[volcano rs]

a man goes to a chemist buys a pack of condoms looks at the pharmasist laughs and leaves .the pharmasist says to his assistant strange bloke .
a couple of days later the bloke goes to the chemist again buys pack of condoms laughs and walks out . the pharmasist says to his assistant thats second time he's come here bought condoms laughed and walked out .
a fews days later same thing happens man comes buys pack of condoms laughs and walks out .this time the pharmasist said to his assistant to follow thea man and see where he goes .after about 20 minutes the assistant walks in laughing the pharmasist says did you find out ? and why are you laughing ?the assistant says i found out and the reason i'm laughing is that he goes to your house .

[Jamo]

An Englishman is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You English folk eat the whole bread??"

Englishman (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, rec ycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to England." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Englishman listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Englishman: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to England."

After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

Englishman: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

Englishman: "We don't. In England, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France."