Friday jokes

[fidoe]

the weekend can't come quick enough...

Three ducks walk into a bar.

"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else
could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.

He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day
myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"

"No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."

[S2 Ant]

Shakespeare walks in to a bar..........

Bartender immediately shouts "Get out ya Barred"

[fidoe]

here's one for any of our friends down under (or from wales)

----------------

Bruce walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

"Darling,this is the pig I have s*x with when you have a headache."

His wife is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

Bruce says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

[Fat Audi 80]

here's one for any of our friends down under (or from wales)

----------------

Bruce walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

"Darling,this is the pig I have s*x with when you have a headache."

His wife is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

Bruce says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

Now that's what I am talking about pmsl

[fidoe]

and finally...whilst not a joke this is def entertaining :mischeif:

http://www.virtualbartender.beer.com/VB1/

http://www.virtualbartender.beer.com/VB2/

[Jamo]

I could be wrong, but judging by his hat, this guy isn’t gonna make it!!!!

[Haggis]

The jokes are definatly getting better - so sorry for this one...

When I first started reading this, I thought I might see through it before
the end, but ....!

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down,
but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest
dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her
place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy
is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every
guy you meet?"

"Oh No," she replies. . . . .

Wait for it.

It's coming.

The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She says:

"You just happened to catch my eye."

[S2 Ant]

oh dear oh dear oh dear

[fidoe]

that is truely terrible...genius

only 5 hours to go before the weekend starts...can't wait...

[Sidspud]

1 minute for me! Byeee

[volcano rs]

The jokes are definatly getting better - so sorry for this one...

When I first started reading this, I thought I might see through it before
the end, but ....!

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down,
but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest
dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her
place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy
is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every
guy you meet?"

"Oh No," she replies. . . . .

Wait for it.

It's coming.

The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She says:

"You just happened to catch my eye."

oh dear ! did write this one yourself or did you get it from topsparkys joke book?