Niggling question.........

[Nuvo]

If God can do anything - can he make a rock so heavy that he can't lift it himself ?

Hold on and I'll ask him. Oh that's right he's on holiday right now.

Also if you choke a smurf, what colour does he turn?

That would have to be puce, a dark greyish purple I think

[Ski]

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

[Nuvo]

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

To keep their ears warm?

[Ski]

fridays Top Tips :

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.

Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the first place, you fat *******.

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.

Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cake again.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.

Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag from the butt of your last one.

Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the difference.

Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your roof.

Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so It may as well look like one.

A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging your feet twice on each stair.

At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.

Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date. All he's interested in is seeing you naked.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

Housewives. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.

Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on Boxing Day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.

[Sonic]

My freezer has a light in it

If God can do anything - can he make a rock so heavy that he can't lift it himself?

Presumably, although im sure he/she's realised that it would be a pointless exercise due to having far more intellegence than ourselves.

[Azman]

@ SKI

[Azman]

Okay then - Why is the ocean salty???????
This one may offend - Sorry if it does. Az
If God heals people with all manor of sicknesses - Why won't he heal amputees??????

[Azman]

OOOOOO Another one for you....

What makes an Organic egg organic? Surely they all come from the same place!!!!

[jubjub]

So does a train go forwards or backwards? How do you know? Or does it just depend what what way round a person is sitting in relation to the trains direction

[Azman]

OO OO OO OO

Why does the best looking Girl in the room always seem to be going out with a complete plant pot!!!!!

[curlyks2]

there isnt a light in the freezer because how often do you visit the freezer in the middle of the night?

Almost continuously: that's where I keep the vodka.

Gotta recover from covering support some how

Ck.