Friday Funny!!

[merlin's S4]

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right

away. She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other."

He replied, "That's all right; we'll learn about each other as we go

along."

So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a

very nice resort.

One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel,

climbed up to the 10-meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer,

entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. This as followed

by a three rotations in jackknife position before he again straightened

out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he

came back and lay down on his towel.

She said, "That was incredible!"


He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you

we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. She was moving

so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one end of the pool would

hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the

pool. She did laps in freestyle, breaststroke, even butterfly! After

about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and

lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.




He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"



"No", she said, "I was a prostitute in Plymouth and I worked both sides of

the harbour

[s2_bo]

"No", she said, "I was a prostitute in Plymouth and I worked both sides of

the harbour

[Jamo]

Thats shocking! I have a mind to it!

F*ck it, I can't i'm in stitches here

[PeteRR]

[HPmuirt]

Thats shocking! I have a mind to it!

Censor what ....ahh the word 'breast' in breaststroke...I get it now

Cheers n

Si

[Mark Halligan]

A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for £100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

When the farmer drove up the next day, he said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the donkey is on my truck, but he's dead."

Gordon replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "I can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Gordon said, "OK then, just unload the donkey anyway".

The farmer asked, "What are ya gonna do with him?"

Gordon said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

To which the farmer exclaimed, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

But Gordon , with a big smile on his face, said "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody that he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Gordon said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a huge profit"

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?"

And Gordon replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner, when he came to claim his prize.

So I gave him his £2 back plus £200 extra, which is double the going value of a donkey, so he thought I was a great guy."

Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and no matter how many times he lied or how much money he stole from British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them thought he was a great guy.

[CliveH]

Now that is a good one Mark!

[topsparky]

@ merlin funny as f11ck mate
even the missus laughed

@ mark never a truer word spoken